Monday, January 19, 2009

9 years later...

This weekend Anne and I got to do something that should have taken place 9 years ago.I was very fortunate to actually run in to one of my father's close friends a while back. This man was a very close friend of my father and had shared in an experience 9 years ago that would turn out to bring Anne and I a lot of grief. See, this man was part of a small group of my father's friends that spread his ashes after his passing. Anne and I were not aware that his ashes had been spread till at least 6 weeks after it took place. We were not invited or told that any of this had taken place. Neither was my father's mother. Can' you imagine? I can't begin to tell you the devastation this brought to both of us. When I learned of this, I can honestly tell you that I was heartbroken as was my sister. I hope that no one ever has to experience some of the things that Anne and I have experienced in our life, however we have both learned you just have to move on, but this was one act that we have had a really hard time moving on from. After this man and I talked it was very apparent that there was a LOT of miscommunication in what I had been told by people that were supposed to be my family. So sad. So very, very sad. It is hard to even imagine how people that are supposed to LOVE you can never even think of your feelings,and partake in a very selfish act. I will never understand it. So................this weekend, Anne and I were invited to learn the true story, the actual FACTS that took place almost 9 years ago. Anne and I will forever be grateful to this person that gave us pictures of our father that we had no idea even existed and shared with us what TRULY happened the day that my father was actually laid to rest. It was a very calming experience and one that I will always treasure. It was wonderful to be with people that truly did love my father. So after this experience and after all the feelings that we have felt for 9 years, here is the lesson that is learned folks. There are people in this world that truly have no clue what it means to LOVE someone and to want the best for people. In the past I would be angry and mad and wouldn't be able to let it go, and there will still be times like that, because you never forget, however knowing that I know this isn't about them, because they in my mind don't know what it means to think of others, I am thankful for the people that do. I am now just sad, sad that their actions let the most important person down, and that was my father. My father was the one that was let down the most. That saddens me. So what I have learned from this process as cliche as it may sound...treat people how you want to be treated. Remember that your words and your actions may truly change someones life for the better or for the worst. Actions that took place 9 years ago brought so much grief to Anne and I, actions that weren't necessary, but selfish, however the actions that took place this weekend brought us such joy and restored in us the goodness in people, and has also built a lasting friendship, one that we are both very thankful to have. There are many wonderful people in this world, and my father had many surrounding him, that we are fortunate to have in our lives. We love you dad!!

6 comments:

Judy said...

I am so happy for you both that you finally know the truth about some very hurtful things in your life. I am sure this will make you stronger and help you to realize that all is not good in this world. You know that I believe in fate and the saying "what goes around, comes around". A lot of things have come full circle. I don't think what has happened in this situation was just some fluke accident. All things happen for a reason and this was certainly guided by something or someone no longer on this earth. I truly believe your grandmother, grandfather, and your father all took part in the two of you learning the truth. I love you both with all my heart and am so proud of the beautiful, successful women you are today.

Nikki said...

I am so happy that the two of you finally got to see his final resting place. I really hope that someday, that evil stepmom of your gets her karma because I truly belive that karma is going to be a big bitch to her.
I'm also really glad that you got some pics of your father. That's great! It was so sad to hear that you never got anything of his when he passed because of that horrible woman. At least you have some pics of him that you can keep close to your heart.
You two are a truly amazing with your strength that you've shown though all of this. I'm so happy you got to see his resting place. You two deserve it so much.

AnnaMarie said...

I hoped this process would bring you closure. From what it sounds like, it brought you not only that but a new level of perspective and understanding. I love you girls and have no doubt that the way you live your life and treat people makes your father exceptionally proud.

Oh, and I agree totally with Nikki.

Michael said...

All that is worth saying has been said here by the people who love you. I hope you found peace where your father rests. Deep peace, the kind that resets your soul.
All things on this earth are cyclical, and like your mom says, what goes around truly does come around. With the photos and knowing his resting place, you can fill in the missing puzzle piece that has left a hole in your lives, and with it, a completeness in the connection with your dad.
:)

Amy Noble said...

I'm so happy that you girls have closure. Chuck and I love you both dearly. We were talking tonight over dinner about how lucky we are to have such loyal, caring, smart, beautiful, soulful, and best of the bestest friends in our Leigh and Anne!

The Pinwheel Princess said...

Sweet girls; of all I know about this situation, it would seem that one thing is apparent - Those who are most threatened by the pure love you girls share with your father have further proven that they never will know or have that kind of love. The fact that you both have grown stronger and more beautiful is proof that what the three of you share can NEVER be taken, no matter how hard some may try.
I'm sure your Father has eagerly waited for you girls to find your way to him and you did it with a true friend of his, far better than sharing it with the alternative. Some things are just meant to be. . .
I love you both so very much.